May 11, 2017
my heart & mind finally concluded what I needed, probably.
Came down to an exhausting, heavy, harsh, sudden decision.
I quit my job.
The job that I knew I loved.
Always thought of moving on earlier, but time never seemed to agree.
So I held on.
Stood strongly, patiently, and loyally next to my employer.
Most times, its just the two of us.
All this while, I knew exactly why I stayed.
I wanted to see the brand grow.
I wanted to be a part of them 'special & big moments' for the brand, and my employer.
I wanted to know "what's next?"
Every so often, it gets pretty tiring.
Down to May 2017, I knew I had to do something. I knew I had to look for something bigger.
Dude, coz I'm turning 30 in another 5 years!
Didn't think I would leave this early, what more thought of sticking around this long
Nevertheless, there is no such thing as the "right time".
I found myself typing down the eerie single-page letter, and telling my employer that I am leaving.
She's definitely someone to me - who am I kidding, I see her everyday!
More than an employer. I was more than an employee.
It was not a normal "I'm done, goodbye boss" kinda thing, more to getting your heart broken and shattered into pieces - and obviously I cried a river.
Despite all that, I had to convince myself over and over and over again, that this is necessary.
It is time that I thought about my family, my career, and dreams (maybe).
I have been putting myself aside for too long that I forgot to find what's best for me.
So... I have one more month left until I move on to a new chapter.
I guess things will never be the same between me and my employer,
because to her, this was clearly wrong timing.
In all honesty, I still want the best for her, with or without me.
January 15, 2017
January 5, 2017
"I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I can't escape
I love you 'till the end
I just want to tell you nothing
You don't want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why don't you just take me
Where I've never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you 'till the end
I just want to be there
When we're caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
I'm lost for words don't tell me
All I can say
I love you 'till the end"
- The Pogues
January 3, 2017
Because 2017 is already here, and I can never keep up to my NY resolutions, I thought maybe this should really be a place of random thoughts; should it influence you, you decide.
Then maybe when my lungs give in, and I'm no longer around, my husband, my family can end up here when they miss me :)
^ probably something like the movie PS I Love You
Beginning with : 03/01/2017
Sent Mirrul to the LRT Station for his first day of work at a company he applied since 2014. Feeling so blessed that Allah has put things into place so wonderfully, that I even get to drop by at my parents' place while I wait for my turn to go to work.
May 2017 brings all of us closer together, wiser and happier.
November 17, 2016
My heart is just restless. Tossing and turning, unable to sleep. I'm tired, but I can't sleep.
This morning I realized that it must have something to do with my mom. I know that her heart is not at ease and I've not done much to help her either.
All my life it has always been just us. All my life I never strayed away from her. Since my wedding, I moved out and stayed with my husband. Now I understand how hard it is being away from her.
I wish my mom knows how much I miss her, how she is always on my mind and that I actually never stopped missing her. I hope she knows that I am working hard because I want to give back to her. I hope she knows that I am always around whenever she needs me. I hope she knows that I love her more than anything in this world.
Through it all mom, Allah is great and He is with you. As tough as things get, you should know that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
We haven't had any "mother daughter" time for quite a while now, let's do lunch?
Missing you so much,
October 12, 2016
p/s: you can have a representative to go and do the visa application & collection for you.
October 4, 2016
She asked me to help transfer it to W, because she was tied up with things. So, I did.
I didn't ask my boss for the bank details, as it would just bother her even more.
Searched through my Whatsapp history with the boss, then I found the details.
I remember back in January, W was saying that she had problems with her Maybank account at the time, and that she preferred her pay to be transferred to CIMB instead.
Long story short, I transferred the amount, to the bank account given, and I did not even check the Account owner details, requested for TAC number, received TAC number, keyed in TAC number, transfer SUCCESSFUL. I logged out, to know that the Account Owner had a different name than W's!!!!!
I panicked. I panicked.
I called Maybank's hotline, and they mentioned that I needed to go to the nearest branch.
Maybank will not be responsible on M2U transactions, and they can't stop any transaction, especially if they're successful. My only option was to lodge a report, and Maybank will get some kind of approval from the receiver to reimburse the money to my account. Susahnya!!!
Me: Apa jadi kalau receiver tu taknak bagi duit tu balik and claim itu duit dia?
Maybank Attendant: Itu kami tak boleh janji Puan, sebab Puan sepatutnya check sebelum masukkan TAC number
Me: Jadi sekarang ni tak boleh nak buat apa-apa la?
Maybank Attendant: Tak boleh Puan.
To top it all, this happened on a Friday night. OF ALL DAYS!
"Screwed. I'm screwed."
I still had enough cash left, to transfer to W, I did that first.
I was mentally prepared and ready to go through all that hassle of making reports to Maybank, and police reports. But I asked W, if she knew who owned the account number that she gave to me back in January. Alhamdulillah, she knew who it was, and she still had the girl's phone number.
Found some courage to call up the girl, and explain what happened.
I was lucky. Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah, it fell into someone who had a good heart.
The next morning, I did not receive any updates from the person, I checked my bank account, and my September gaji is back :D
Honestly, it felt like everything was just a dream. But it wasn't.